&the sunshine's gone ;

2006-11-29T02:05:00.000+08:00

so long since i last blogged. recently i've been thinking so hard about smth that is bothering me so much. lolol. but yeah seriously. sometimes i feel that i'm a very irritating person and no one wanna entertain me or be entertained by what i have to say. sometimes i'm afraid to tell ppl what my problems are. or share my feelings about things. like when i'm talking to rubber or ling on the phone. i dont dare to go on and on about stuffs that i'm afraid would irritate them. its like. when rubber when overseas i had this feeling that i want to talk to her. and tell her everything that happened cos so many things happened. but when she's back, i've nth to say to her over the phone. and for ling. i havent talked to her on the phone for so long. and i really miss her. but i always hold myself back. no matter how much i wanna tell them my problems, i'll keep my distance. i feel that i'm always creating trouble for myself. i ask ppl the same qns over and over again. dont you think they'll find me irritating? i alr know the answer and i know what answer i want from them so when they dont give me the answer i want i ask them the same qn again. dont you think i'm so irritating? what the fuck is wrong with me. right. i'm just some retarded ass who wanna keep irritating ppl. i'm annoying. i'm such an idiot. i'm also someone who haunts on others. dont you think i'm such a pain in the ass? i think everyone dreads me. omg. just slap me. wake me up. i wish someone could just tell me what they think of me. like say, 'you are such an irritating bitch. when will you just shut the fuck up?' i wish everything would come to an end. it wasnt like this before. why is it like this now? i wish everything could just rewind and go back to normal. this is not normal. i wanna stop this mess. i wanna wake up.

& i'm so not okay.

2006-11-22T15:19:00.000+08:00

since sunday till now,
i've trained 40%.
lolol. nth much to blog abt.
sometimes i'm veh veh happy.
&i love talking to rubber.
lol. or rumble. (x

2006-11-19T23:23:00.000+08:00

i'm bored.
these few days were spent talking on the phone.
with yujin, rubber and unsung.
mostly yujin (:
now lemme talk abt maple (x
i'm stuck at lvl 70 since forever.
wth i needa lvl! and fast.
if i buy a ppc tmr or soon.
i can make my lvl FLY ;DD
alright. wei came to my house today.
for like 1hr plus. lol.
then she went to meet chengyu.
and i mapled. lol.
i'm desperate to lvl.
(so no more dying at showa. f3)
&,
the end (:

2006-11-19T14:28:00.000+08:00

ok lah. to be honest, the bday thing ytd was BORING.
but i crapped alot with ws. lol.
and bullied eldon (as usual)
we cabbed there and back for $40 just to spent 1.5 hours there.
JOY.
anyways, the night before.
i cried indulging in french vanilla tiramisu ice cream,
while watching cartoon network.
nothing could hurt more.

i'm nuetral.

2006-11-18T01:44:00.000+08:00

today was just plain boring lah.
my mood is like totally fucked up now.
wth. like get a life lah ok.
i had i haircut today (x
short layered with a tail.
lolol?! i like.
meeting stacy tmr. she misses me =x

conference again ytd night.
kinda fruitful. but i'd say not.
he wished me gdnight on the phone this time (xx
and today. he talked to me in maple.
lolol. sorta a first time thing.
but its ok. i'm happy ;D

looking forward to tmr.
#1 meeting stacy
#2 boxian's bday
#3 maple (:
ps. i hope we have a conf tmr. cos we didnt have one today. f3

xDD

2006-11-16T18:45:00.000+08:00

today was fun.
starbucks (x
sadly i overslept, thinking we were meeting at 1pm.
omgosh.
we had chicken rice.
then neoprints ;DD
went to coffee bean instead.
cos starbucks was SOO crowded.
i loved the mocha.
stacy had cinnamon. f3
time flew. (ya, i mean, FLEW)
picked my sis. and homed.
and MR BEAN IS STARTING!
i'm gonna watch it. seeya (xx

btw. conference was fun ytd (x
he msged me gdnight. lolol.
and somehow, he noticed that i'm not online in maple today ((:

2006-11-14T20:21:00.000+08:00

ok. i spend the whole of today,
since 11am till now,
towning with stacy ((:
we went window shopping for her headphones.
we went to lots of places and my feet hurt )x
we had ljs for lunch
we also caught material girls.
it was ok. quite nice actually.
thursday's coming. our next outing.
at starbucks ;D
i can't wait!

2006-11-12T23:20:00.000+08:00

having you ard is so swt.
but almost close to a death struggle.
tie me down onto the rich posh chair,
with the room in a bright dim glow.
&as i stare at your clean shaven face,
you slowly near and peck my cheek.
you settle down on the thick armrest,
&force a fruit knife through my throat.
watch me squinch and breathe in loud,
&with my last breath, i thank you.

i'm starting to like you.
i hope you feel the same way too (:

ps. some things don't last in reality.
but at least they last in me.

2006-11-11T21:20:00.000+08:00

i'm starting to hurt myself.
from realising that you're drifting so far away.
and i'm doing all that i can to make us stay tgt.
but yet nth seems to be changing.

save me from myself.

2006-11-10T02:45:00.000+08:00

i'm exhausted.
somehow i feel that,
i'm so used to a certain pain.
so scarred by a certain cut.
and so numbed by a certain feeling.
that i can't tell the difference between everything else around me.
but maybe, just maybe,
it'd all fade away.

i love my bf (:

2006-11-09T00:47:00.000+08:00

i can take the rain on the roof of this empty house,
that don't bother me.
i can take a few tears now and then and just let them out.
i'm not afraid to cry every once in awhile,
even though going on with you gone still upsets me.
there are days every now and again i pretend i'm okay,
but that's not what gets me.
what hurts the most, was being so close. and having so much to say, and watching you walk away. and never knowing, what could have been.and not seeing that loving you,was what i was trying to do.

its hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere i go,
but i'm doing it.
its hard to force that smile when i see our old friends and i'm alone,
still harder.
getting up, getting dressed, living with this regret.
but i know if i could do it over,
i would trade, give away, all the words that i saved, in my heart,
that i left unspoken.

what hurts the most,
is being so close.
and having so much to say,
and watching you walk away.
and never knowing,
what could have been.
and not seeing that loving you,
was what i was trying to do.
and not seeing that loving you, was what i was trying to do.

2006-11-08T16:41:00.000+08:00

ok. haha. some people read my post and ganchiong. make me laugh man. i didn't state names and yet he still ask me why i writing abt him. i was like, oh i was writing abt the hacker and you ask me why i'm writing abt you? its kinda weird isn't it? -.- anyways, it was just a very funny joke. hahaha. maybe you needa be thankful i only post one post on my site. and i don't have my hist link. hahaha. anyway, meiya suggested that i play gacha and then sell the items for mesos. which is kinda lame. lolol. then she haolian to me. let me show you;

EG
meiya: haiyah, why you so suay tio hack.
me: i not suay lah. ppl love me too much.
meiya: nono, they handicap. want play also cannot play properly.
me: huh? (blur)
meiya: as in they want play also dunno how to earn lah! (f5)
me: orh. hannah. stupid ppl mah.
meiya: too bad i play cass. if not i lvl 103 ch. dit can spon you items. (giggles)
me: hannah, you PRO lah hor.

see? haolian queen. lolol. anyways, my bf has been alot of help. he keep cheering me up, (in stupid ways) but at least he's helping. not like meiya. (x

ohwells. i haven't mega rock on reaching 70. i feel so bad. T.T and, i miss xinling ): we just talked rubbish on msn ytd with caron, kenny and her bf. totally nonsense, f3. i've got nth much to blog abt alr. and i noticed my posts are getting longer nowadays. maybe i just want everyone to know abt what's happening. HAHA.

<33

ps. i decided to post three entrie in my site. HAHAHA.

2006-11-06T22:39:00.000+08:00

HAHAHA. ok this will be a long long post. guess what? my maple acc got hacked. hahaha. surprisingly, i'm not sad or anything. strange? not really. cos. i think, i'm not so retarded like the five-year-old mentalitied person who hacked it. its a gaming acc. and if he thinks that by taking away all my items and money, he's big and everything, and like think that i'll weep over an ass like him? and ban my acc by selling hacks and scamming ppl, i'm sorry, NO. also, if you think deleting my buddies will make me friendless, you should think twice. my friends will always stay with me through thick and thin. not like you (i'm saying this because i'm 95% sure i'm backstabbed, cos only two ppl know my id and pw. and rock i trust 101%. but you, erm, i'd say less than 10%. haha!) and since he wanna stay in my acc for so long, (i know its overly adorable) then let it be. cos he'll be the one paying the bills. and, eventually he'll still log out. but i wont really lose out cos i've got my friends who are real friends, ppl who'll lend a helping hand. not like some who backstab you. you're trying to flame me, but its not working, cos you're just making me laugh out LOUD. like, hahaha if you don't get what i mean. anyways, i don't see a need for me to weep and make a fuss over this incident. and instead of feeling panicky, i and rock had fun ac-ing trade with that donkey. LOL. these ppl, can't even be rated as class c in my terms. they're worse than the ratings of my dog. but i guess, its okay to us. haha. cos we don't really get bothered by them alot. its just like another day's scene of scandalous doings. and i& my friends are suspecting someone (disclosed for not to embarass that disgraceful donkey butthead, with his mom as a whore. oops!) and its so obvious, because, no matter how many times you say, 'its not me' , the oh-so-innocent way, and trying to act the gd guy, the all so wonderful, super idolised, he's-my-hero guy, i still won't believe you. (sad to say, haha) i'll just, orh, ah, eh. but guess what? you're just stooping lower in my eyes. only ppl like you would do such despicable things. let me give you a scenerio. (ooh, exciting).

EG1.
boy: oh i like you. i love you.
girl: orh ok.
boy: i dont like this guy, blah blah.
girl: orh, nvm cos he is my friend, blah blah.
boy: dont kaobei lah. blah blah.
girl: i nv start first. its you. you talk abt him first.
boy: NO (obvious lying. duh.) its you.
girl: yaya whatever. its ME. ok? ME.
boy: you fuck lah. cheebye. knn #%$@*! blah blah.
(spacesout)
boy: i'm sorry, i was angry mah. cannot control.
girl: whatever. go away lah.
boy: sorry. pls give me a chance. really pls, blah blah.

&in this scenerio, i'm the girl. see? i hate these kinda despicable ppl? totally. so what if you were angry. ooh, so scary. only you can be angry. i can't. wow. claps. since its like that, cos you were angry you can spill vulgarities on me, i can kill your mom and say sorry i was angry and you can't do a thing. fair? pls lah, don't make my nails laugh. you are the kind of guy who totally makes me shun and turns me off. keep saying that you loathe gangsters? oh, but. you totally act like one even though you say you're not. let me show you another scenerio.

EG2.
girl: you don't so ahbeng leh.
boy: haha i not ahbeng lah. really. believe me.
girl: ok (tries hard to believe, somehow deceiving herself)
(spacesout, something happens)
boy: walau. knn. cheebye lah bodoh. %#&@! blah blah.
girl: (shocked) omg, why you so vulgar? ahbeng arh.
boy: no lah i guai kia. hehe.

&once again, i'm the girl. wakao. like as though you're convincing me? erm, i dunno how to react. lemme think. erm, haha? even my retarded aunt also won't believe? wanna act, improve your acting first can? you're seriously making me LAUGH. i think, i can laugh so loud that the unknown species in mars can hear me.

and so, if you think that i'm convinced that it wasn't you who hacked my acc, pls think again. think harder also, i would advice you. hahaha. seriously, somehow, i can't take your stupidity. yes, i (would gladly) repeat, STUPIDITY. you definitely irk me. and make me feel disgusted at the disgrace you brought to mankind. and guess who's having the last laugh now? WE ARE.
so my kind advice to you, the disgaceful donkey, pls kindly:
#1 improve your acting skills.
#2 get a freaking life.
#3 dig a hole in the ground and hide your face.
;DD

_________________________________________________________

ok ppl, a change of topic. (a short one at that)
do you know that iloveyou is a very powerful word?
let me show you 2scenerios:

EG1
me: eh see, this purse so cute right?
meiya: mm, but so ex leh. next time ok?
me: meiya, iloveyou leh.
meiya: hannah buy lah.

EG2
me: mie, ni yao mai chocolate mah?
(me: mom, do you wanna buy chocolate?)
ma: bu yao lah. jiang gui.
(ma: dowan lah. so expensive.)
me: mie, woaini leh.
(me: mom, iloveyou leh.)
ma: na lah na lah.
(ma: take lah take lah.)

see, with iloveyou, i always win :DD

ps. note-to-self: nv go too far with iloveyou, it won't work otherwise, unless with sincerity (:

2006-11-05T02:19:00.000+08:00

its 2.12am and i can't slp.
chatting with kenny on msn now.
i gotta log off the com soon.
just a random post for the fun.

i love my bf (:

2006-11-04T23:04:00.000+08:00

i bought two x2 exp.
i used one to lvl 4 times.
and the other one's wasted.
i played till 7am and my mom nagged.
she took my modem today morning.
obviously was pissed.
like, fuck.
she always thinks that i'm using the com.
like 24/7?!
i admit that i DO use the com for veh long.
but the thing is.
even when i'm not in the worng,
or not even involved in whatever fuck she's in,
she'll vent her anger on me and com usage.
like please? wtf man.
and she calls my dad and tell him fucking fake stories?
and he comes and talk shit to me,
and fucks around like a maddog.
and when i tell him the actual truth, guess what?
i'm scolded more for accusing her.
like, hello? you dont even know anything.
so my mom will be gloating on the inside.
wow, claps, you achieved your goal of me being scolded.
but so what? its cos you give fucking fake lies.
stupid bitch.
i know i shouldnt say this abt my mother
but what kinda MOTHER does things like this?
fucking whore.
_l_
ok, back on track.
so i went out. as usual.
i went to bf's house to use com till late.
from abt 3pm till, now. which is 11.03pm.
and its been so loongg sonce i last went.
lol. then she returned me the modem.
anyways, i'm lvl 66 only.
but whatever.
and xia0boib0yz lvl 65. haha!
and i cant play till late now.
maybe latest 12 plus.
but all's gd.
everyone to takecare.
many many lovings <33

2006-11-03T05:16:00.002+08:00

HELLO PPLE (:
ok. i'm totally bored.
just look at the time!
its 5.22am. omg.
i dunno what to blog abt ):
ok. 5 things off my mind.
#1 i lvled twice today
#2 i'm lvl63 now
#3 i MUST be lvl 70 by sunday.
#4 i'm sleepy.
#5 i have no idea why stacy is so crazy and she totally doesn't make any sense.
HAHA.
stacy, i hope you DO see this.
miss you babe (x
i'm bored, dead bored.
ahwells.
imma gonna flop onto my bed now.

&it hurts deep inside

2006-11-01T04:54:00.000+08:00

guess what?
I GOT MY GETA.
uh huh. uh huh.
yea babeh (x
JOS got it for me.
for 24 million?!
thanks lotsa <3
and i'm still lvl 60. haha!
gonna chiong 2x alr.
must win that xia0boib0yz.
wakao. f5.
lolol. anyways.
nth alr ;D

to: GENE.
i'm sorry for the attitude i gave you at coolies.
but what i wanted to say was that i trust you.
but i guess it went out wrongly.
and i'm so not used to you being sad or moody.
maybe i'm being selfish but i enjoy your company alot.
and its just weird when you're not, 'yourself'.
anyways. i'm always here.
and you're someone special i wanna keep ):
i'm sorry.

but it doesnt matter.
cos i dont think you'll see this.

2006-10-31T15:49:00.000+08:00

woohoo (x
last few days were just FUN FUN FUN.
lolol. ytd i went for a LATE BUSride.
omg (:
gotta stop mapling.
i'm going crazy. lol.
i love this song :D
oh. btw i got scv at home.
haha!
okay nth much.
blog later.

ps. meiya, i promise to blog on time. (:

2006-10-27T02:30:00.000+08:00

havent been blogging.
recently. nth to blog about.
still attached.
he dotes on me?
well, kinda (xx
and i found out that his name is sebas.
lolol. f3. oh wells.
i'll upload a pic soon.
feast your eyes.
haha. not of me though.
a drawn lllusi0n (:
by stacy. of course.
for me <33
thanks girl.

everything's changing.
so fast, so fast.
and everything just falls apart.
i wish time can just stand still.
where i can still hold you.
and feel the warmth from your tight embrace.
but you dont really the pain i'm feeling.
and you cannot see the scars you left behind.
as you distant in the foggy rain.
i love you.

2006-10-16T23:22:00.000+08:00

wow. its been awhile.
since i last blogged.
i married lllusi0n.
alr lvl 50.
i wanna chiong third job next week.
nth much alr lah. boring.

i miss the long talks.
i miss the laughs.
i miss your voice.
i miss everything.
i miss you );

2006-10-14T01:38:00.000+08:00

f5
f3
f4
f4

2006-10-14T01:37:00.000+08:00

NO MOOD,
NO TIME,
NO SPACE,
NO FEELING,
NO NOTHING.
get out of my face

2006-10-13T11:23:00.000+08:00

wow.
i didnt blog ytd. haha.
my SHAranger is alr lvl 13. f3.
and my sha havent lvl.
went to pariss for dinner ytd.
the place like so posh.
but. smth was missing. o.o
anyways, mapling soon. i needa lvl! f5
seeyou (:

2006-10-12T01:47:00.000+08:00

WOOHOO.
i created a new char.
SHAranger!
my dream come true!
mwahaha.
i created a new asiasoft as well.
and now, i'm wondering if i should give up sshhhaaa.
AFTER my SHAranger completed 2nd job.
lolol. and maybe almost 3rd x:
and maybe, start another char with that asiasoft.
anyways, i'm playing SHAranger now (xx
blog tmr. hoho.

i love love love love love you.
mwa.

2006-10-11T05:46:00.000+08:00

imma NIGHTOWL.
woke up late today.
went dinner at 6 till 9.
then mapled (xx
rocky pei-ed me for almost the whole time. till now.
and he's still playing. he hyper kid lah.
we trained at golems. then we went mm siao.
lolol.
halfway, i went orbis find jos.
then after awhile, he wanted go back vic.
then once in vic, i went to pei rocky again.
i killed 3 mm with rock.
he let me solo one though.
and i almost died. lolol.
i spent alot of time with iron hogs today.
WOOHOO (:

there's a line between love and like,
a very thin line to be exact.

would you lie with me and just forget the world? )x

2006-10-10T04:28:00.000+08:00

SHAGG.
look at the time.
i've been up since, 2pm.
and i mapled from 4. till 6.
picked my sis, mapled again at 7.
and i've just lvled,
for the third time.
cool or what.
at golems, a little slow alr.
i'm slacking now.
and i met a guy, 2DayHoliday.
haha, he's nice (:
out tmr with stacy.
starbucks, here we come :D

i can't wait till the day,
when you hold me close in your tight embrace.

2006-10-09T02:38:00.000+08:00

BOO.
hah, i changed skin.
i changed everything from the default settings,
to my own liking.
and i seriously mean, EVERYTHING.
woohoo, shagg. lolol.
and i love this song (:

YOU'RE MY BITTERSWEET.

2006-10-09T00:28:00.000+08:00

BBQ no?
today was just a party in the house.
but still so fun.
had tonnes of it.
love you, ANGELLA.
mapled today. as per usual.
nth much.
i'm training at golem's now.
surprising huh? :D
% up v fast. wanna lvl!
lalalas.

i tried to get close.
i like the feeling.
HAHA.
f3

2006-10-07T23:58:00.000+08:00

i spent so much time with you.
i'm happy.
HAPPY :D
although it was just a conv of messy words,
and spontaneous 'haha's.
it was so fun.
so i'm writing it down.
HEHE.

i like.

2006-10-07T20:57:00.000+08:00

WOOHOO.
i changed skin.
okay, XINLING made this (:
thanks pretty.
but the music code is so irritating.
(check out the top left hand corner -.-)
slept till 4 today. 4PM.
..
mapling now.
and bryan AP me. wthwth!
bryan, see this (x
BBQ tmr.
i'm shagged out.

2006-10-06T17:09:00.000+08:00

wow. i havent slept since ytd.
since ytd afternoon.
omgomgomgomg!
maths paper 2 was a total killer.
like, head shot x:
my art was soso.
not really appealing.
yet disappointing.
(hyperventilates and dies)
oh! its amazing how energetic i still am o.o
going dte later! woohoo.
cant wait till next week.
i love holidays ;DD
oh! andandand, new song.
(i finally found it :D)
i like (BEAMS)

2006-10-05T20:07:00.000+08:00

wow. look at the time.
and i just woke up.
must be some sorta PIG.
great! now half of my mugging day gone ):
and i changed my song. my boo.
and suddenly, i'm rmbing times of when i was at mac.
emo. i know. mixed feelings.
but they just come rushing back.
whatever ):
i gotta start art soon.
and my ever-so-hated maths x:
hopefully i can start mugging my day away.
had a kinda weird dream.
but i can't really rmb now.

church was fun ytd.
many people and all.
i like.

2006-10-04T22:36:00.000+08:00

i'm addicted!
yes, seriously.
i'm addicted to london bridge and fergalicious by fergie.
and ke ai by yang cheng lin.
hah, i'll upload ke ai soon (x
for now, i wanna slack.
cos tmr i gotta muggg nonstop.
omg, pls, kill me!

i thought it was worth going through.
just for you.
but i realised, its worth nothing.
cos you're gonna go away.
and never come back.
i so miss you ):

2006-10-04T13:11:00.000+08:00

okay. i deleted everything, again.
and today, science was so diff lah!
esp chem. KILLER.
recently, i've constantly been spun.
around and around.
my head hurts.
gimme a break.

2006-10-04T00:25:00.000+08:00

Ns. tell me about it.
all the topics so far are just terrible.
i'm so screwed! argh.
maple is finally okay (:
and i'm going to try and study x:
science, oh kill me.

i have no idea what you're doing.
i have no idea where we're heading now.
you've got me going round in circles.